Schemer Gifts

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

'Just tell him you've been good. Don't overdo it.'

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

A trap for Santa

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

The Groundhog didn't see his shadow...because the superdome lights were out.

"Let's steal the bait and tug on the line. I love the profanity."

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

"Our plan for world domination starts with the chew toys."

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'

Better than Chekhov

It would've worked too, if his idiot partner hadn't switched on the exhaust fan.

Tired of competing with his girlfriend's cat for attention, Mike tries to frame Mr. Snookums.

Security Guard Catches Smoker

"I knew I'd find you in here scheming."

'I thought about burning the palace down for the insurance, but I couldn't afford the petrol.'

My cheapskate muse is dead. Great. I woke up yesterday and realized it's been months since I've had an idea for cheating the customers. Everything I'm coming up with is cliched: charging extra for toilet paper, 75 cents for a clean cup, one-for-the-price-of-two bagel specials. I can't take pride in ripping people off like that. One-for-the-price-of-two?

The grand scheme

Fish trapping a bigger fish.