Scheming Gifts

"Let's steal the bait and tug on the line. I love the profanity."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

CEO Escape

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"Yeah, it's a Christmas tree alright! So, we know exactly where the antelopes will be early morning on Christmas day..."

"My records show we sent your bonus. Have you looked on your roof?"

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."