Santa Schemer Gifts

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

'Just tell him you've been good. Don't overdo it.'

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'This new ruling on bankers pay has really thrown the cat among the pigeons...'

"Better use the ink wedge."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

Revenge on Santa

A trap for Santa

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

'Boswell, it's been brought to my attention that your hidden agenda is in direct conflict with my hidden agenda.'

COWS: Cow chess

Cost of food in Cuba

'High interest rates won't stop me from shopping!'

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"