Young Schemer Gifts

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"It's a setup."

'First item on the agenda...Throw out the agenda!!'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

'Danae...you seem to spend twice the time and energy in avoiding your schoolwork than it would take to actually do the work...How far do you expect that'll get you in life?'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Not a bad day. I started a phony company in computer lab, made a public stock offering over lunch hour and socked away fifteen million into an off-shore bank account before afternoon recess!'

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

"Better use the ink wedge."

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"