Childish Schemer Gifts

"Okay, but before I tell you who broke the window I'll have to check you're not wearing a wire."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"It's a setup."

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Not a bad day. I started a phony company in computer lab, made a public stock offering over lunch hour and socked away fifteen million into an off-shore bank account before afternoon recess!'

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

"I'm moving all the money from our rainy day account into a slush fund."

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'

"Our plan for world domination starts with the chew toys."

"The lab boys figured out how to change lead into gold. Now your job is to corner the lead market."

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

Young man at the beach asking friend to kiss his sister hoping he can then kiss friends sister

"I lost my hunger a long time ago, but luckily, I found my greed."

"When I win the lottery, I'll be an agent of goodness...giving every last penny to needy children, the homeless, and the sick and destitute of the world."

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

"You see, the other guys can do the hunting and gathering, and we'll be the POLITICIANS!"

It would've worked too, if his idiot partner hadn't switched on the exhaust fan.

Tired of competing with his girlfriend's cat for attention, Mike tries to frame Mr. Snookums.

'I put a dab of Pine-Sol behind each ear and my husband thinks I've been cleaning all day.'

Bottom feeders.

"They gave me the same number as my Swiss bank account."

"You can be whatever you want to be when you grow, thanks to identity theft."