Lifetime Schemers Gifts

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

"It's a setup."

'First item on the agenda...Throw out the agenda!!'

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

"Better use the ink wedge."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'