Lifetime Schemers T-Shirts

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'First item on the agenda...Throw out the agenda!!'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

"It's a setup."

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'

"This is an imaginative expenses claim. I wish we could use those skills of yours in the business."

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

'My wife's left me for a man with more Nectar points...'

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'