Stock Market Schemer Gifts

'Dear Shareholder: This will be my final report regarding the disbursment of your generous investment . . . '

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

Investments.

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"Now, where was I?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'Oh, just sitting around, waiting for the next computer generated trading bubble to burst, sending the market into death spiral.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

Bank Stress Test

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

"I don't think much of their defence."

'Remember kid, if the market goes down, it's a buying opportunity and if the market goes up it's the start of a rally.'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

Man ironing out a line graph.

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"