Scallion Showstopper Gifts

Rap-scallions

Woman crying with happiness.

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

'You wouldn't listen to me. You have to buy the biggest tree in the lot!'

"Some of my peonies go back to 1872."

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

Parents compare buggies

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

Mic Drop

Mic drop

Suspicious Person Ban.

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

"You should've called me sooner!"

'He's showing off his muscles again! Why do the mares find the eventing guys so fascinating?!'

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. A super sexy all-male revue. Our first performer is a legend – the hunkiest he-man in the Americas. So give it up for … oh my … It can't be … Senor Stud! Pop!

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'

"I attended a leadership seminar. They learnt a lot from me."

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

'You're giving me one of those 'I want to stick my tongue out and eat you' looks again.'

Rosh Hashanah used to be a confusing time for the hearing impaired.

Boy and horse rider

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).