Show Stopper Gifts

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

The kids watch too many stupid shows. I agree. So let's pull the plug! Which one?

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

Woman crying with happiness.

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

Rap-scallions

TV Situations vacant.

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Harvey Smith.

"Congratulations! It's a sitcom!"

Mic Drop

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

Suspicious Person Ban.

Just say no.

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

Mic drop

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. A super sexy all-male revue. Our first performer is a legend – the hunkiest he-man in the Americas. So give it up for … oh my … It can't be … Senor Stud! Pop!

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.

A dance line of women is lined up as a firing squad to kill me with their shoes.

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'