Showstopper Gifts

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

Attention-Seeking Missile

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

"For my first trick, I will kiss every girl in the audience!"

Woman crying with happiness.

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

Mic Drop

Mic drop

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

Rap-scallions

TV Situations vacant.

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'We've decided to babysit for you, while you go out to a late-night show.'

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'So let this be a lesson to you Courtney, 'there's no people like showpeople!''

"Congratulations! It's a sitcom!"

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

Harvey Smith.

Suspicious Person Ban.

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

"You should've called me sooner!"

"The stock market went up 120 points, not your blood pressure."

"Can I have a restricted view seat. I can't stand the sight of the star turn."

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

Maynard inadvertently goes phishing.