Invasion Stopper Gifts

"You should've called me sooner!"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

Woman crying with happiness.

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

Oh, we don't invade planets anymore --- Now we just hack into databases.

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

"These door hinges squeak."

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

"Well, right now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

'Don't be afraid, the speculators won't take away your savings. I'll be faster than they are!'

Mic Drop

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

The Emperor's New Followers

Alien Arcade

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Suspicious Person Ban.

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

Mic drop

"Trying to raise a family, establish a career AND invade a planet? It's no wonder you feel stressed-out."

'Crikey Zork, they're huge!'

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

"How our teacher, under my surveillance, spent her summer vacation..."

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'