Leak Stopper Gifts

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Woman crying with happiness.

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

Lazy plumber.

"These door hinges squeak."

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

"Can I borrow your cage cover? Ed's really snoring tonight."

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Mic Drop

"your wife insisted we do what we had to do to stop your snoring. And, since she really is rather scary, we were left with no other choice but to remove your face."

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

Just say no.

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

Mic drop

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

Master Plumber

Suspicious Person Ban.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

"You should've called me sooner!"

Sign on the door of an Allergy Ward in a hospital says: NO scratch and sniff get well cards

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

"The stock market went up 120 points, not your blood pressure."

'You've got to cure my snoring, Doc! -- I'm afraid I'll lose my job with the Government!'

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'