Fixer Of Leaks Gifts

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Lazy plumber.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Cyber disease.

"Kick the machine"

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"I had to improvise"

I hate it when they start without us.

Master Plumber

"Hi, I'm your new neighbour. I work as a maintenance engineer on the Thames Flood Barrier."

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'

'OK, Mr Smith, we're ready for your colonscopy!'

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

'I call him in for special jobs like this. There's your pearl necklace, Mrs. Spengler, good as new.'

'OK Smith, you can take this back to the Woodwork room now!'

Boy with his finger in a leaking water bed.

'That's one way to 'shut down' the system...'

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.

"Did you call someone to come test for margarine residue in the refrigerator?"

Woman in desperate need of a plumber.

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 3

Wikileaks: My Empire for a Plumber

Man bangs on a malfunctioning bathroom mirror to get his reflection to show.

'You're not gonna like this-all the plumbers are at their annual convention-in the Bahamas!!'

'Can Dad fix whatever this was?'

"This Michael Cohen is giving fixers a bad name."