Flood Fixers Gifts

Woman in desperate need of a plumber.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Lazy plumber.

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

Planning for flooding - 'Well, we'll cross that bridge when come to it.'

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

"It's time to break up the company!!"

Marriage counselor clients: 'Always right,,,never wrong'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

Leaking washing machine.

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"That's not the real me."

'This injection is a combination of 16 drugs...

"Hi, I'm your new neighbour. I work as a maintenance engineer on the Thames Flood Barrier."

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

The first sign of cowboy trouble.

'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'

'OK, Mr Smith, we're ready for your colonscopy!'

"I don't want a plubmer who's always at my disposal."

"I'm having a problem with the Ultra-Super Max Plumber's Helper you sold me yesterday."

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'