Flood Fixers Prints

Woman in desperate need of a plumber.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Lazy plumber.

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

Planning for flooding - 'Well, we'll cross that bridge when come to it.'

"I told you we needed deeper foundations!"

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"It's time to break up the company!!"

Marriage counselor clients: 'Always right,,,never wrong'

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"That's not the real me."

Leaking washing machine.

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"Hi, I'm your new neighbour. I work as a maintenance engineer on the Thames Flood Barrier."

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

'This injection is a combination of 16 drugs...

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

The first sign of cowboy trouble.

'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'

'OK, Mr Smith, we're ready for your colonscopy!'

"I don't want a plubmer who's always at my disposal."

"I'm having a problem with the Ultra-Super Max Plumber's Helper you sold me yesterday."