Flood Fighters Gifts

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Statue flooded by rain is waving for help

'Buy a spare pair of wellies...'

"We'll always have Paris..."

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"I can see our house from here."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

'Expecting a bit of wet weather Reg...?'

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

"What do you mean, 'Climate change is not just humbug?'"

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

Climate Change Contingency House

"When the rubber duck reaches eye level it's a flood. . . wow, brilliant!"

"....rather than spend millions on a potentially fruitless effort to avoid flooding we've decided to focus on public safety!"

Damp? Only when the tide is very, very high.

'Do you suppose we might qualify for asylum in Holland?'

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

"It was a professional hit..."

Honey, wake up

'It's the Environment Agency. They're sending a leaflet on how to grow gills.'

Chelsea flower show sewage

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'Should we upgrade the levees or just go hydroponic?'