Leak Stopper Pillows

"People are always discriminating against my dad. At work, people say, 'clean up that spill' and 'get under the sink.'"

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Woman crying with happiness.

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

Lazy plumber.

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

"These door hinges squeak."

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

"Can I borrow your cage cover? Ed's really snoring tonight."

It wasn't easy, but we finally plugged the hole.

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Mic Drop

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

"your wife insisted we do what we had to do to stop your snoring. And, since she really is rather scary, we were left with no other choice but to remove your face."

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

Mic drop

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

Just say no.

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

Suspicious Person Ban.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Master Plumber

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

"You should've called me sooner!"

Sign on the door of an Allergy Ward in a hospital says: NO scratch and sniff get well cards

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'

'No, you're the plumber, you go and check how bad the leak is.'

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

'You've got to cure my snoring, Doc! -- I'm afraid I'll lose my job with the Government!'