Scallion Showstopper Pillows

Rap-scallions

Woman crying with happiness.

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"Some of my peonies go back to 1872."

'You wouldn't listen to me. You have to buy the biggest tree in the lot!'

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

'Looks like the work of the infamous international frequent flyer burglar - Better dust for carbon finger prints!'

Parents compare buggies

Mic Drop

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

Suspicious Person Ban.

Mic drop

Policeman painting vandals with 'anti-vandal paint' instead of painting the walls.

"You should've called me sooner!"

"I attended a leadership seminar. They learnt a lot from me."

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'

Rosh Hashanah used to be a confusing time for the hearing impaired.

Boy and horse rider

'He's showing off his muscles again! Why do the mares find the eventing guys so fascinating?!'

"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."

'You're giving me one of those 'I want to stick my tongue out and eat you' looks again.'

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."