Scale Survivor Pillows

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'Naughty-we've been EATING again,haven't we!'

Dieting Motivation.

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

What your guitar says about you.

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

'He's not hurt. He's just really, really cold.'

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

Woman weighing herself sitting on a chair.

'Don't they look silly?'

All my owner says is "Heel, heel, heel" --- And then he wonders why I keep chewing on his shoe!

A holiday maker greets a castaway

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

Mindfulness meditation vs. Mindfulness scrolling.

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

'I dunno, I've never stayed up long enough to find out.'

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

"Welcome Back!"

Common golf Problems: 'Worst slice I have ever seen!'

'Oh no, my diet plan's gone pear-shaped!'

"I'd like $50 worth of total silence, please."

Notice on front door: 'We've got one.'