Scale Philosopher Gifts

Woman on scales.

"Patience - we have to wait till the dial stops spinning."

Your Weight $.10. You weight 218 pounds but, oddly enough, you have no momentum.

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Critisize your weight.

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Weight Gain Denial

Shrink

What your guitar says about you.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Woman and scales.

Please seat to be weighted.

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'Sorry, sweetie, but your weight is still the same.'

'Your weight second opinion.'

'LIAR!'

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'

Woman weighing herself sitting on a chair.

Sitting down

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

Woman uses her crutches to make herself appear lighter.

'No matter what you do, you can't cheat a bathroom scale...'

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

'You lie!'

'Doris, I know how much you weigh. Step on the scale and I'll hand you the fish.'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

Time Scales

'Look, all I'm asking is that you turn your head, and I'll just read my weight to you.'