Scale Cynic Gifts

'Holding in your stomach won't help, sir.'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

No Immediate Danger

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

Sen. Krupt. Your vote should never be for sale. It's much more efficient to rent it out!

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

Sucking Up to Gen X

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Old Rope

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Mail & Political lies.

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

'If voting in elections really changed anything the politicians wouldn't allow it!'

'Help me, Helen! I'm feeling a momentary lapse of cynicism!'

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?" "I met a lady a while back." "We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things." "What do you mean 'courage?' Ending things isn't 'courageous,' it's cowardly." "Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with a vengeance."