Satirical Sipster Gifts

Drunk Baby

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

The prying mantis,

"Yes, one is a dog."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

Inhospitality tent.

Alabama Traffic Jam

"God help us, it's that guy."

Latest Aye Phone

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

Macho Vegetarian

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

Matador Artificial Insemination.

Student in the middle of an exam realises he has accidentally picked up dumb water.