Satirical Sipster Pillows

Drunk Baby

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"Yes, one is a dog."

The prying mantis,

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

"I'm after the history section."

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

Alabama Traffic Jam

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"God help us, it's that guy."

Macho Vegetarian

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

Latest Aye Phone

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

Matador Artificial Insemination.

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Student in the middle of an exam realises he has accidentally picked up dumb water.

Wine tasters...