Satirical Psychologist Pillows

'Or, you could save yourself a fortune and just sweep it all under the rug.'

"I owe all my success to the psychiatrist who gave me the word GREED as my mantra!"

Copycats

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

Under new blame.

Strainspotting

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Coronavirus Windmills

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"