Satirical Psychologist Gifts

'Or, you could save yourself a fortune and just sweep it all under the rug.'

"I owe all my success to the psychiatrist who gave me the word GREED as my mantra!"

Copycats

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

The World's Biggest Book Club

Strainspotting

Under new blame.

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Coronavirus Windmills

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"