Humorous Psychologist Pillows

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

A child as a pet substitute.

Some scents are nonsense.

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"I owe all my success to the psychiatrist who gave me the word GREED as my mantra!"

Psychiatric Clinic. I'm not sure giving a narcissist an hour a week where it's all about him counts as therapy.

"I knew you'd understand."

“Children hate me.”

You're making me very angry right now, Al. Did you know that before Rorschach came up with his inkblot test, he had one that involved blood spatters?

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'

'All those against, raise your hand. All those in favor of ice cream, scream.'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Sensory confusion syndrome.

"You only said clean up anything we spill. I threw that."

'I'm worried, Master has suddenly developed a morbid obsession: He asks me to play dead all the time now...'

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

"Hi, I'm Kevin and I'll be your server tonight...but I guess you already knew that!"

"I can't shake the feeling that people don't respect me."

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

"Everything points to your having a mid-death crisis."

Swiss Referendum

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

Saturday was fantasy dysfunctional relationship day.

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb