Psychology Humorist Pillows

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

"Mama and I fixed a lovely dinner. I used the right side of my brain, and she used the left side of her brain."

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

"Everything points to your having a mid-death crisis."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"