Psychic Humorist Pillows

ESP test

'Do you believe in telepathy?' 'That's exactly what I was going to ask you.'

Clairvoyant Driver

"Hi, I'm Kevin and I'll be your server tonight...but I guess you already knew that!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Here we are."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Gee, thanks pal."

No-Work Orange

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Trump! The Musical

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."