Psychic Humorist Gifts

ESP test

'Do you believe in telepathy?' 'That's exactly what I was going to ask you.'

Al, did you know there are people who believe you can foresee the future by the coagulation of cheese? It's called tyromancy. Are you kidding? I'm an incurable tyromantic! Odd Facts.

Clairvoyant Driver

"Hi, I'm Kevin and I'll be your server tonight...but I guess you already knew that!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They're Not Just That Into It

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Here we are."

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

No-Work Orange

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

At the 2021 Religious Games