Spiritual Humorist Gifts

R.C.I.A.

"It saves energy and makes me feel holier."

'Have you ever heard the parable of the lawn left unmowed?'

'Oi! Mind where you're going!'

'I made the top ten on our church's prayer list.'

"Wait!"

"You notice how these telephone pitches always come just when you're about to achieve satori?"

'And how many are living in this dwelling-enlightened or otherwise?'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

'Please RSVP.'

The wages of sin is death! 'Boy, sinners must have a TERRIBLE union!'

Praying Mantis.

"I travelled a thousand miles to ask you, old wise one... when is a cliche cartoon no longer funny?"

You Are Entering God's Country. A Pearly-Gated Community.

"Now, how about some affirmations to balance all this negativity?"

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

DIY Church - Assembly Required.

"The definition of insanity is Tweeting the same thing over and overs and expecting different results."

God's Phone

"Sorry guys, I must have nodded off for a moment."

Om and Ommer

'They caught me talking out loud again. Suspended two weeks, without pray.'

"Hello Mr Jenkins. Gentleman in reception to see you. Something about a plan he wants to copyright?"

Silly questions to ask a Buddha....

Moses' TV guide.

'Either it's Nirvana, or he's passed out from lack of oxygen again.'

'Here you go -- Don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Sins to you, traditions to me."

'It's Saint Jerome - Patron Saint of Entertainers.'

God finds all the prayers of mankind in his spam folder.

Regifts of the Magi

"Looks like the source of your impure thoughts is a blown gasket in your thought purifier."

'Living up here is the best I can afford -- I'm still paying alimony from three past lives!'

Really, Brother Gregory, that was only necessary on your head.

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."