Psychology Humor Lovers Pillows

'Patient has tendency to submissive behavior but this is not totally disagreeable.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Some scents are nonsense.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

Sensory confusion syndrome.

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

Have you ever been cross questioned Yes, I'm married,

"You're not the first patient I've had who thinks he's a dog, Mr Buxton, so please, get up on the couch."

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

"Everything points to your having a mid-death crisis."

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'

Why worms have no confidence

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

'Say 'when' or just think it really hard... I'm also kind of a psychic.'

"Well of course I'm nervous....what if I chat her up only to find out she's my ex?"

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

'Well, we agree on one thing -- I wish you'd married Doris Day, too!'

"I still think you could have made better use of the palm tree."

A Pat on the Back: $1.00

'I think you should know, I have woodworm'.

Take The Guesswork Out Of Your Diagnoses!

"I'm invisible to all men."