Psychology Humor Lovers Pillows

'Patient has tendency to submissive behavior but this is not totally disagreeable.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

Some scents are nonsense.

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

Sensory confusion syndrome.

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

"Everything points to your having a mid-death crisis."

Have you ever been cross questioned Yes, I'm married,

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

"I can't shake the feeling that people don't respect me."

"You're not the first patient I've had who thinks he's a dog, Mr Buxton, so please, get up on the couch."

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb

A Pat on the Back: $1.00

"Well of course I'm nervous....what if I chat her up only to find out she's my ex?"

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'

"Oh my God, mother! That is, like, so passive-aggressive!"

'Say 'when' or just think it really hard... I'm also kind of a psychic.'

'Well, we agree on one thing -- I wish you'd married Doris Day, too!'

"I still think you could have made better use of the palm tree."

'I think you should know, I have woodworm'.

Why worms have no confidence

"I'm invisible to all men."