Psychological Humor Fan Pillows

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Introducing...Anagraman.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Trump Poutine

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'Check out the old dude.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

The Snooze Bar.

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'