Psychology Humour Lover Pillows

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Some scents are nonsense.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"I'm glad you think it's funny."

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

'Whatever it is, I didn't do it.'

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I'm becoming predictable.'

Mathematician on the couch.

'You've got to be more assertive. You can't just say 'Cock-a-doodle-maybe-do.'

Les Bons Bourgeois - Returning home between 11 o'clock and midnight

Therapist with a jack-o-lantern head talks to their patient who is a witch.

'Tell me your name and I'll tell you who you are!'

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DECOR

Mafia Shrinks

Nice shiny...look, lots of lovely buttons...only ?13 billion...NPFit.

Therapist giggling behind patient's back.

'I have cradle to grave insecurity.'

'Here is my proposal for making our department more efficient. It contains some of my best cognitive distortions.'

"Things could be worse."

"I'm having an identity crisis. I can't keep track of whether I'm Nana, Mimi, or Grandma Wolcott."

"Everytime he sticks his finger down his throat, he tells a joke."

I'm terrified of clown fish.

"Everything points to your having a mid-death crisis."

"You're not the first patient I've had who thinks he's a dog, Mr Buxton, so please, get up on the couch."

"I'm afraid due to inflation 'a penny for your thoughts' no longer applies, hence my exorbitant fee..."