Satirical Monarch Gifts

'Hey, don't feel bad - The world needs buffer states, too!'

"My Kingdom now has an official sponsor."

'How about a game of cards?'

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"It's time to get politics out of money."

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

"Your idea of ankle monitors for the entire kingdom is not polling well, sire!"

"King of what, exactly?"

'Having a lot of underlings doesn't make you an overling!'

'It's amazing what you can get on e-Bay these days.'

'He's not exactly of noble birth, Daddy, but he IS a slumlord!'

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

'I'll show you my hidden agenda if you'll show me yours.'

'Some other king called while you were out -- he said it was important.'

"Who named him emperor!?"

King vs King- who's the clown?

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier,'

'Gentlemen, the loyal toast - The Queen, God help her.'

'Of course I didn't announce the election -- it was a secret ballot!'

'There's more to a nation's greatness than good cell phone receptions!'

Queen at computer screen searching friends re: you knighted site.'

'I've lost fifteen pounds! — the era of big government is over!'

'If you cannot afford an undertaker, an undertaker will be supplied to you free of charge....'

'The Royal Staircase is in the shop.'

'Do you have any idea how UNPATRIOTIC this is?'

'We CAN'T overthrow him -- he owes us money.'

"I know it looks like terrorism, but it's actually COUNTER-terrorism."

Chop, chop! I've got a golf meeting in 20 minutes!

'The poor shlubb -- his country still only has dial-up.'

"Who needs a firing squad."