Satirical Humor Listener Gifts

'Hey, look! It's the guy who was always speaking out about 'global warming'!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Crap from the future.

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Trappist Monk Discord

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Trump

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'