Satanist With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Bishops Snooker

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'