Satanic Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"You guys want a go?"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"You call this a constitution?"

Trappist Monk Discord

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Redhead

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

How About Serving Us For a Change

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Clone Factory

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Men working (part time).

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Inactivists"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."