Satanic Humor Aficionado Pillows

"I mean that we both leave a trail on the sidewalk!"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

Exciting potato bugs.

Redhead

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Men working (part time).

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"It floated. I want my money back."

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"In heaven there are no trees."

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"Is it just me or does the dog seem calmer since you got it that new collar?"

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."