Satanic Humor Fans Pillows

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

End the Winter Blues

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

St. Elmo's fired.

"You calm down."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Telekinetics on strike...

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

Men working (part time).

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"Is your dog friendly?"

'Ants of all lands, unite!'

"So, how's your scary movie?"

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?