Sardonic Sense Of Humor Gifts

"I'm a golf widow...I battered my husband to death with his nine iron!"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Targets

Man falls off perch

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

T.S. Eliot calendar.

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Special Place in Hell...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

'My life is a joke.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

'Ok...I was wrong. Things can get worse.'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."