Sardine Humorist Gifts

Packed like sardines

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

Fish tank filled with sardines.

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

Man falls off perch

T.S. Eliot calendar.

"I'm afraid you have deep vein thrombosis Mr Sardine"

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

Lex Ave Express

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

Your honor, my client is a very proud man. He's much too proud to confess to murder, and he's much too proud to beg for mercy. However, he's willing to offer the court a non-denial and a rude hand gesture. Where can we go with this?

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

Fisherman to other man re: boats everywhere: 'Lots of sardine fishing here.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

"Just look at that. The face that lunched on a thousand chips."

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"