Sarcophagus Sage Gifts

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

Don't you see, Kreutzer? That's why we have all this literature. So you won't duplicate an experiment that's already been done, and there's no reason at all why you should be duplicating Smedly's experiments. After all, he shares a lab with you.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

IMHOtep

The Authentic Christmas.

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

A wiser and a better man

Saguaro Cacti.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

Trusting

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

Gone to Lunch.

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

Bank. I'm getting zero percent on my savings! We've reached the point of no return.

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

'Grandpa says there are good banks and bad banks, and I hope you're a good bank.'

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

'I've pinpointed our problem. There's too much month left at the end of my salary!'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

'Apparently it's something to do with our methane gas output.'

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

"Don't be discouraged. Do it over, monitor the results...write your paper."

Have you heard of the miracle of compound interest, Rudy? I think. It's when your money earns interest, and then you earn interest on both your money and your interest. Is that like spending? What? No, it's the opposite of spending. The opposite of spending is buying. What? No, it's ... You're going to die penniless!!! Have you heard of the miracle of credit cards?

'If you're alive this time next week, you'll be living beyond your means.'

How Scientists Work

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

"Hey, Robinson Crusoe! Taking the laundry to mommy? Wow, you sure know how to 'rough it'! Haha!!" "Just ignore them." "Can you bring us back some of her blueberry pie? Ha!"

'All of my money is in a high interest account - everyone's highly interested in it.'