Sarcastic Taxpayer Gifts

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Exciting potato bugs.

Redhead

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? It's months away." "Exactly." "A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date." "A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion." "Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels." "A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure."

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."