Quirky Taxpayer Gifts

'Look at the bright side, Wiggins. You have the perfect portfolio for someone who doesn't like to pay for any taxes.'

'You may march to a different drummer, but you still have to pay the same piper.'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

tax

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

Tax relief

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

I.R.S. - A non-discriminatory federal agency. We Soak rich and poor alike.

'I'm sorry, sir, but this particular loophole is only for the use of Federal employees.'

Tax confusion.

"I spent all last year totally paralyzed with indecision about a career - isn't that some kinda tax deduction?"

'Sorry to interrupt - your monastery is on fire...the IRS wants to talk to you - and something about a missing case of wine.'

'I wanted a few words about your tax return - have I called at an inconvenient time?'

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

"I bought this net from the Inland Revenue. It allows big fish to swim through, yet catches the small ones."

'First the good news...since you earn under $400,000, you won't have to pay the millionaire's tax.'

'Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.'

"If you have paper, I'll give you a receipt for tax purposes."

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

External Revenue Service