Sarcastic Taxpayer Pillows

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Redhead

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? It's months away." "Exactly." "A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date." "A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion." "Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels." "A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure."

"I will grant you three wishes. You should know, however, that after taxes it will be reduced to one and a half wishes."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"One of his employees won the lottery!"

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."