Sarcastic Patriot Gifts

"Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? It's months away." "Exactly." "A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date." "A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion." "Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels." "A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

The transparent safe box of Panama

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"White Collar Prison"

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

I clawed my way to the top and all they gave me at the end was a manicure.

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"How about fashionably never?"

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."