Nostalgic Patriot Gifts

"Library's closed, what should we do now?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

'Welcome to Heaven. By the way, here's your favorite club you lost on that course 28 years ago.'

"We fear no more for today is our Independence Day!"

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

First day on beach: pale Englishman struts his stuff.

Veterans Day US

"And who, may I ask, is financing this startup country?"

Light RELIEF for England . . . PHEW!

The Statue of Liberty holding up an ice-cream.

Unity is strength! Vote for local 62 today!

The American flag

"Lady Liberty, I choose you...ooo...ooo...oooh!"

"We've been from sea to shining sea! Why don't you admit you're lost!"

"Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? It's months away." "Exactly." "A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date." "A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion." "Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels." "A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure."

'We agree in principle on the need for Strategic Lapel Pin Size Reduction.'

Stars and Stripes bleeding out

'Whatever happened to that platoon of GIs you used to pretend to be at bedtimes?'

"I never let me bookkeepers forget, I'm a patriot first."

"Who knows the words to the theme song of the United States?"

Geriatrics clinic: 'Wine, women and song, Doc! But not swashbuckling too!'

"My only hope is that future generations honor this day of independence with a huge one-day sale."

"But first, our national anthem."

Star-Spangled Danner Episode 9

'That does it! I've had it with that nincompoop! Every time there's a birthday, he's the first to sign the card and he never leaves room for anyone else!'

Rule Britannia!

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

"I'm glad you got to meet some of my heroes, Katie..."