Sarcastic Financier Gifts

"I wish you would stop asking customers how much filthy lucre they're depositing."

"Just for arguments sake. Let's imagine that it is the bank's business to know what you want the loan for."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

Didn't we fire you last week?

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"The end of my patience is near!"