Sarcastic Nature Enthusiast Gifts

What I always say - don't be irreverent to God and mother nature!

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"Allow me to explain the terms of our easy payment plan."

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

I'm with stupid.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

Man on bench in park feeding balloons gift tags.

"As always. . . make sure to warm up . . . to avoid injury. . ."

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

'I should have seen it coming - my best man was her lawyer!'

"My boss combines the impulsive joie de vivre of Ebenezer Scrooge with the empathy and comradeship of a tarantula. Less hair, though."

'I was recently at a baseball game and they were shooting my people out of a gun. When does the madness stop!? You'd never see that happening to the soup folk.'

'Genius?! Pah! A five-year-old could paint this.' 'Perhaps... But a five-year-old couldn't convince anyone it was great art. Therein lies the genius.'

'Look, a pair of mountaineers: Looks like they're really struggling on the easy cliff-face...'

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

"I hear the workers hate your guts, Batson. Keep it up."