Sarcastic Nature Enthusiast Gifts

What I always say - don't be irreverent to God and mother nature!

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"...it was believed that anyone who displeased it would meet with a terrible fate, which of course is complete nonsen..."

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'And the good news is you can finish out your 'Employee-of-the-Month' term before cleaning out your desk.'

'Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work...'

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"There is no 'I' in 'team', however there are several 'I's in 'I'm the boss and you do what I say'."

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

"Yeah, these things smell disgusting, but if you line your nest with them, you get insulation and it helps to keep the eggs warm..."

"Allow me to explain the terms of our easy payment plan."

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

I'm with stupid.

Boss, there's no toxic waste anywhere near the café, is there? What is this, the eighties? What's next, you're going to ask me if any whales or baby seals are harmed in the production of our coffee? Are you going to ask me to sing "We are the World" with Stevie Wonder? Are you going to ask me to film a "very special episode" about the dangers of dope? People didn't just care about this stuff in the 1980s, boss. Want me to get some Krazy Glue and fix the "hole in the ozone layer"?

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

'Look, a pair of mountaineers: Looks like they're really struggling on the easy cliff-face...'

"As always. . . make sure to warm up . . . to avoid injury. . ."

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

Man on bench in park feeding balloons gift tags.

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

'I should have seen it coming - my best man was her lawyer!'

"My boss combines the impulsive joie de vivre of Ebenezer Scrooge with the empathy and comradeship of a tarantula. Less hair, though."

'I was recently at a baseball game and they were shooting my people out of a gun. When does the madness stop!? You'd never see that happening to the soup folk.'

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

'Genius?! Pah! A five-year-old could paint this.' 'Perhaps... But a five-year-old couldn't convince anyone it was great art. Therein lies the genius.'

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."